i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
