Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
