I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I puked a lego.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
