it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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