My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
