I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
