good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
