You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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