We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
