Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
