so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
