I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
