I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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