Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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