Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
