Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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