I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
