I'm gonna have a badass scar
I didn't shave. On purpose
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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