home. puking in laundry basket.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
