can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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