I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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