Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
