i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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