Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
