hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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