So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Green mimosas i think yes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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