I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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