He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
