i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
