she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
