or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got inside last night via doggy door
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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