It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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