I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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