you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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