last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
