Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
