i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
