so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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