the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
