3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
