My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
