You just made me feel so damn special
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
