its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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