i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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