Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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