Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
