Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
