I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
