this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
