Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
