p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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