Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
