Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
