I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
